Haunted

We are settling into a routine here, which has been good for all of us, especially Maggie.  She does best when she knows what's coming next.  Don't we all??  :)  She has been sleeping good - usually 11 hours a night, and takes an afternoon nap of 1-2 hours, so we are happy with the sleep portion of her adjustment!  One downside is that she has become VERY picky about what she eats - not sure if that may have something to do with all these new options?  She will eat any kind of fruit, except bananas (which was a staple in her diet in Uganda - go figure), and her other "go-to's" are yogurt, applesauce, peanut butter and pancakes.  Protein and vegetables are NOT high on her list and we usually have to bribe with one of the above to get her to eat any.

One thing that's been fascinating for us to see is that this girl is FULL of personality.    Which totally wears her mama out. :)  As Hamza would say, "oh my lawd!"  She is SO anxious to learn, repeats most of what we say, talks all the time (even if we can't understand her), counts to 20, sings the ABCs, missing the "QRSTUV," knows about 6 colors, laughs and laughs and laughs, makes jokes by mixing up our names on purpose, loves to dance, laughs some more, tickles her brothers, jumps on the furniture, attempts gymnastics moves, talks and waves to people on TV, talks to people on the phone, tries wearing ALL her jewelry at once, loves shoes, yells at Murphy constantly . . . and just totally has LIFE coming out her pores!!  Can't believe the energy/entertainment/exhaustion she has brought to our family. :)

Meanwhile, I can't stop thinking about the kids left in the orphanage. I keep asking God, "why just one?"  And all manner of questions bother me: Why couldn't we bring all of them back here and find them homes?  Or at least 2 or 3 more? Why is it so hard for people to adopt?  Why was Maggie given a family and the others haven't been?  With every doctor or dentist visit, with every hug and kiss we give her, with every good meal she eats, with every goodnight, tucking her into bed, with every bonding moment, I think of those faces at her orphanage.  I believe they may haunt me forever.  They were just as precious as she is, and yet they still sit there, lonely, forgotten, and just a number in a crowd.  She's been sick the past 24 hours, running a fever, and all she wants to do is cuddle on our laps and sleep.  What do the kids in the orphanage do when they have a fever?  Does anyone take their temperature and give them medicine? (From what I've seen, I doubt it.)  Who cuddles the sick kids and gives them undivided attention?

I know, now more than ever, that God's plans are perfect and that He holds each one of those kids in His hands.  And I know I will never get answers to my questions - but I'm trying to sort out how to deal with them.  Do I pray that I could forget?  I don't think so.  But I find my heart heavy, and I find myself feeling guilty that I'm relieved to be home, to be back in America, to be out of Uganda.    There are so many people in that country who are desperate to get out, to come here, to escape the hard life they face daily there.

All I can come up with at this point is to try and honor God with what He's blessed me with and bring up this little girl with a knowledge of the amazing things her Lord has done for her.  And trust that HE will take care of the rest.