Thankful . . .

God did something amazing for me this Thanksgiving.  As I've been processing the events of our adoption, and reflecting on everything I have to be thankful for, I realized I was actually thankful for all of the crazy mountains we faced on our adoption journey - ?!?  Believe me, I did not come to this place on my own - it was all God, and this revelation He gave me:

Maggie's past is painful and ugly.  It's marked with abandonment and loss not just once, but many times over.  Over half of her short life was spent in an orphanage.  This tiny little soul was left alone in a dark world and was toughened and forced to learn to care for herself and to become remarkably independent at an age when she should have been dependent on loving parents. 

But God, in His amazing grace and love and mercy and wisdom, rewrote her story through the struggles of our adoption. 

During our times of fear and uncertainty and heartbrokenness, I kept asking God WHAT He wanted us to learn?  Hadn't we learned enough?  Hadn't we shown that we were being obedient?  What was the purpose in all of the insanity? 

What He revealed to me recently was that none of the struggles were about US.  Sure, we learned many things, and all four of us have walked away from this process with an entirely new and beautiful perspective of our God, but those things were just side effects of the real purpose - giving Maggie a beautiful story.

When she is old enough, she will read through everything I have recorded about her adoption - and there is NO WAY she won't see her God's hand in all of it.  His name is written all over it.  He, and He alone, paved the road, opened doors, removed obstacles, and orchestrated circumstances to bring her home to us.  There were many points in our process where He made it crystal clear this adoption was His will and His plan.

So rather than looking at her past and seeing brokenness and ugliness, Maggie will *hopefully* see the beautiful story of how the God of the universe rescued her and gave her a new life.  It amazes me that while in those uncertain moments, what I saw was testing and hardship and what was really occurring was God's amazing, profound love of Maggie - caring enough for her to give her a new past, a new story.  He absolutely rocks my world, people.

And this new revelation I've had also fulfills a promise God made me after our return from our first trip.  I mentioned this in a previous post, but while unpacking when we got home, I flipped my devotional calendar to the date of our horrendous court hearing where everything fell apart - June 24th.  The verse on that day was John 13:7 - "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."   !!!!  So throughout the summer and this fall I've been waiting to "understand" why in the world we had to go through the things we did. 

Now I do.  It was all for Maggie. 

Is He good to us or what?  He didn't have to explain Himself, but in this case He did. 

God was allowing mountains in our path so He could miraculously remove them as a profession of love for His little girl.  In ways so obvious that she will see HIM in her past instead of the ugly.  His unmistakable actions on her behalf will speak to her heart for all the years of her life.

And in His mighty sovereignty, He also gave me a gift.  In recent years, I've been one who is terrified to do anything outside of God's will.  It makes for paralyzing indecision at times.  And early in this process, I often struggled with the question of whether or not we really should be adopting.  Questioning if it was really God's plan for us?   Had we heard Him correctly?  Were we mistaken?  Did we misunderstand?  Take the wrong path?  But through the obstacles God removed, it was like He took my hand and said "yes, this is the way - I have ordained it."  What we went through these past several months has been hard - agonizing at times - but what I have seen God do has completely erased any doubt I may have had about being in His will.  He knew what it would take to make me know, for sure.  :)   I know, without a doubt, we heard Him correctly, and it was His plan for Maggie to become a part of our family.  Having that assurance in my life - in our lives - is priceless.

And having HIM in our lives is priceless too.  Walking this road with GOD by our side, and getting a front row seat to His mighty, incredible hand at work is an experience unlike any other.  It's addictive. He is REAL.  He is ALIVE.  He is LOVE.  He is mind-blowing.  This experience has left me wanting more of HIM.  I can't wait to see what He has for us next. :)