Ok so I'm not very good at blogging. Have started and re-started this thing more than a few times and can't seem to stick. with. it. However, it's become clear to me lately that I need to record our adoption "story" so that none of us ever forget any part of the amazing journey God has led us on. And it will also be a handy tool to keep people updated during our return to Africa next month. So here goes:
October 2009. My mom, sister and I attend a Women of Faith conference in St. Paul, MN. Steven Curtis Chapman is there and speaks about adoption. He also does a mini-concert in which he plays "When Love Takes You In," with a video about adoption playing in the background. I realize something weird is going on inside me - I'm completely bowled over by the message in this song, and feel God pushing in on my heart. What?!? I've never really considered this before! Mark and I struggled with infertility for 3 years before having Jack and Noah - with a lot of help. We always wanted more children, but the infertility road seemed so daunting. Around this time, we did one round of IUI - which was an odd experience because I actually found myself hoping it didn't work - it didn't feel right. I didn't want to go down this road again. And then, this "moment" at Women of Faith. This idea of adoption. I laid in my bed that night in St. Paul and asked God, "Really? REALLY? Is this what you are telling us to do?" - Somewhat excited that I believed I had heard from God, but I was terrified, and thought I would need a burning bush to take even one step in that direction.
A couple years go by. Adoption is discussed on and off by Mark and I, him being more open to the idea than me. I convinced myself I was not equipped - it sounded all very fairy-tale-ish, and I worried I wasn't "that kind of person" - one strong enough to actually do it. I thought people who adopted were strong, bold, confident, able to endure way more than me. I was not equipped. One day in church, a dear friend came up to us and told us while she was looking at our family sitting in church, she could "see" a little black girl sitting with us. ??? I chalked it up to her being an adoptive mom of African boys and just general silliness. :)
Discussions increased and our hearts were being pulled. My boys were growing more independent and I wasn't done being a mommy. Or at least I didn't want to be. So around December of 2010, we began the process, terrified, but confident that God was asking us to step out in faith. We were accepted into the Ethiopia program and started on our mountain of paperwork. Spring of 2011 brought a debilitating health problem for me, that was difficult to diagnose and harder to treat. We put a halt on the process. Late fall of 2011, I was feeling better, so we called our social worker again. She informed us the Ethiopia program had been slowed almost to a halt and was a general mess. She encouraged us to look at China's waiting child program. We did, we applied and were accepted. About that time, health crisis #2 struck. Me again. This time, a condition that was mis-diagnosed - for 2 months - with a plethora of horrible drugs, and it actually sunk me into depression and a very scary place where all I could do was wearily reach out for God's hand. Recovery took months. We now know, at this point in time, our daughter was abandoned.
Right as I was feeling normal again in the spring of 2012, Mark was blessedly diagnosed with prostate cancer. Why a blessing? Because had he not been screened until he was 50, as is normal protocol, he wouldn't have lived to that point. We were thankful, but so weary already, and faced yet another medical battle. The interesting thing, though, during this crazy time, was that every time I drove by the Bethany office, I felt a pull, a longing. I kept wishing I could pull into their parking lot, and get busy on the journey we had started. Another interesting note was that during this whole horrible season, I was studying Acts of the Apostles in BSF, and the major theme throughout our study was the enormous OPPOSITION the disciples faced at every turn, in their efforts to spread the gospel. I learned that God asks His people to do difficult things - to endure difficult battles. I also learned that when salvation is at stake, Satan is at work trying to derail the effort. Hmmm.
Mark underwent surgery in May of 2012 and spent the next couple months recovering. Back to his normal self, we contacted our social worker to get things started - yet again. She informed us that China would no longer take us, due to Mark's cancer diagnosis. China's program requirements are very strict (even BMI has to be a certain number!), and they won't allow adoptions to people who have been diagnosed with cancer in the past 10 years. Back to the drawing board. She sent our application to every country Bethany works with, and the only countries that would take us, due to the cancer diagnosis, were ones in Africa. In evaluating those options, one quickly rose to the top: Uganda. It was a pilot (new) program and they were accepting 40 families. We ended up being one of them.
Now, at this point in our story, some would say, why? Why did you keep going? Why didn't you throw in the towel? You've already hit several roadblocks. Valid questions. But once God lays something on your heart, it doesn't go away - it stands the test of time and the tests of the enemy. And obeying God is simply not up for discussion in our home - if He asks, we go. While our medical struggles were scary and exhausting, through them, we saw God at work. Frequently. We saw that when we reach the end of ourselves and our strength, He's just getting started. He is in control and takes care of His people. He loves to have us in impossible situations where we can do nothing but rely on Him. His sovereignty, His providence. While we came out of this season with that precious lesson, we had no idea how profoundly that conviction would later be put to the test.
So the winter of 2012/2013 was spent completing our homestudy, collecting mounds of paperwork for said homestudy, then completing our dossier (an adoption term meaning massive application), complete with MORE mounds of paperwork. This included many goose chases - including to the doctor's offices (both ours and the kids), FedEx, the police department, the post office, the bank, FedEx, the accountant, the courthouse, FedEx, the local USCIS office, the post office, FedEx, and even included a 1.5 hour meeting with the county auditor and city attorney (just to get a document signed verifying our home address!). Did I mention we spent some time at FedEx? Not one stone in our lives was left unturned. When each packet of paperwork (homestudy and then dossier) was handed to me, and I saw the lists of what we had to compile, I was afraid and intimidated. But God showed me how to take it one. step. at. a. time. and not rush ahead and worry about the pieces of paper I didn't have yet.
Our dossier was joyfully sent to Uganda on March 22, 2013. And now we were in for "the wait." We had heard of families getting their "referrals" (more adoption lingo for information on a child) within 1 week in this program, so we held our breath for the first 7 days . . . and then exhaled and decided it may be a while. After that first week, we attended an adoption training, and our social worker gave us some discouraging and frightening information she had just received about the Ugandan culture. Studies were coming out showing extraordinarily high alcohol consumption rates throughout the country in general, but more importantly, in pregnant mothers. As a result, warnings abounded about children who are adopted may come with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). We felt like we'd been punched in the gut.
We'd come THIS FAR, and now this information. What were we to do with it? We quickly weighed our options - drop out of the program, switch to the Ethiopia program (with a 2-3 year wait), switch to a domestic adoption (which has PLENTY of it's own risks) . . . our heads were spinning. One thing we KNEW to do? Pray. Ask God. His answer, made clear through verses in our daily devotionals - wait. Wait. Wait on Me. Don't do anything. ?? Ok, weird . . . but if that's what You say, God, then that's what we'll do. One of my BSF lessons at this time? About how Abraham and Sarah tried to bypass God's plan for their family and create a family in their own way, on their own time. It didn't turn out well for them. Hmmm. We knew He was asking us to trust Him and not run off to a different plan in a crazed panic, trying to control our circumstances.
April 26, 2013. It's a Friday. We are driving across South Dakota on I90, heading to Sioux Falls to celebrate my grandpa's 90th birthday with the entirety of my dad's side of the family. We somehow (?) got into a discussion with Jack and Noah about the day we found out I was pregnant with them, and the subsequent day we found out they were twins. It was a fun conversation - telling them the events of those days, our feelings, and how even when they were tiny dots on a screen, they were our babies. We were discussing their entrance into our family, a conversation we'd never had with them before. My cell phone rings - it's 12:06 p.m. and it's a Michigan number. (Bethany is headquartered in Michigan). Our paperwork was already in Uganda - there was no reason for them to be calling, except one. I knew in that moment our lives were going to change forever. I shakily answered the phone and it was our caseworker, who said she had some great news for us - she had a referral for us. Wait a minute - what?? God, you told us to wait! You were going to straighten out this whole FAS situation, weren't you? The caseworker is still talking - it's a little GIRL (we had applied for either gender!) and she's 2. I realize I'm in a puddle of tears and Mark and the boys are looking at me wondering WHAT??? As the caseworker keeps describing this little girl, my fears melted away and though we knew we needed to pray about her, I felt, on some level, she was ours. I was told her name was Margaret. Mark immediately said, "well then we can call her Maggie!"
In the days that followed, I realized God had told us to wait, to not act out of our fear, because He had chosen this little girl for us. We had all of her information reviewed by 3 international adoption doctors, all of whom thought she sounded (and looked) quite healthy for being in an orphanage. She had hit her developmental targets and appeared to be doing well. While we know that's no guarantee, and many things aren't diagnosed in these kids until they arrive in the United States, we all felt she was ours - medical conditions or not. Noah wanted us to call and accept the referral within hours of receiving it. There was no question in his mind. :)
We accepted the referral, and completed the necessary paperwork (I think we'll be doing paperwork on this until we are 85). Our paperwork was submitted to the Ugandan court on May 23rd, and we were told it would take 6 weeks to get a court date. We received our court date on May 30th - ONE week later. :) I love how God doesn't operate on human timetables. We would need to be in Uganda by June 17th to spend some time with Maggie before our court date on June 24th. Our lives switched into HIGH GEAR at that point . . .
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